Robots have long been the bogeyman of science fiction. Killer robots, giant robots, malfunctioning robots and even sex-crazed, evangelistic robots (see Battlestar Galactica) have all threatened the human race with destruction on the science fiction screen. But not all science fiction storytellers would have us wiped out by shiny metal men. Some prefer to see them as  ”your plastic pal whose fun to be with”, and this seems closer to the truth when we look up from our computers long enough to notice how we have populated our world with labor saving devices over the years. We have robots and other clever machines building our cars, fighting our wars, balancing our checkbook, farming our food, and answering our phones for us.  Smart machines are the ultimate in labor saving devices, and everyone seems generally happy about them doing those jobs for us.  They do them faster and more efficiently then we ever could and, much to the delight of those who employ them, they don’t talk back or ask for sick leave or go on murderous rampages through their former place of employment when they become obsolete. They don’t need health insurance, can work 24-hour shifts and even come with a three year warranty, and all for less than the price of a single pension.  They are the future of the workforce, and companies like Honda and Sony are racing to build affordable humanoid ones that can march right into the spot on the assembly line formally occupied by a pesky union worker without any change to the machinery at all. They will even have opposable thumbs so they can hand the pink slip to him, allowing him to go home and join the utopian leisure society that science fiction has been promising us for decades. 

        The only glitch in the matrix seems to be that no one has given much thought to just what all this surplus labor will do for a living now that it has been saved. Perhaps they will find more fulfilling pursuits like art and music and produce a blossoming of cultural enlightenment? Pundits of the copyleft, advocates of crowdsourcing and open sourceniks all seem to think so, and they applaud the destruction of old business models. They predict a thriving new  economy where everyone shares and shares alike and status is more important than wealth.  But, like the bygone boomers who eventually discovered that an aging VW minibus can only get you so far, no one seems to have any idea which Medici will underwrite this new renaissance.  

        Meanwhile, corporations scramble to draft laws curtailing the ability to reproduce  and disseminate information, because they have correctly perceived that information is the currency of the new world order.  Today, the cables and wireless routers only spew bits of family photos and bootleg mp3’s, but 3-dimensional objects are rapidly becoming as easily printable as any term paper purchased from plagiarists-gone-wild.com, and the alchemical wonders of nanotechnology promise even more miraculous possibilities for the movement of goods in the future.  The replicators of Star Trek are destined to become household appliances. Material goods themselves will become nearly valueless. All that has value will be the information that describes them, and the ability to reproduce them. The information “wants” to be free (according to the copyleft, who spend a great deal of time on the torrents ‘liberating’ it) and the tools that permit that information to take meaningful form (as sound waves or video or a plastic toy you ordered over the net and printed on your HP replicator) will all be manufactured by robots. And, if the robots get smart enough, designed by them, too.  

       Yup, it’s gonna be a brave new world, with all the wonders we can desire at our fingertips, and no need to work at all.  The robots will do it all for us, out of the kindness of their metal hearts.  

       Of course, there remains the thorny problem of where all the metal for their hearts will come from, or the electricity that keeps them beating, or the oil that fills the disposable replicator cartridges with versatile plastic goo, or the property rights for the few bits of remaining goo-free farmland  needed to keep this great big happy utopia humming along.  How will the robots decide how to divvy up the scarce resources of this planet among the idle population? Perhaps they will consult their memory banks, and determine that an antiquated system of exchange last used in the early 21st century might be useful. What was it called? Oh, yes…money. Hmm, but how best to distribute it? There can only be so much money, or it is meaningless as a rationing tool. Perhaps it would be fairest to give the same amount to everyone….er, waitaminnut…receiving instructions from the home office.  Ah, OK. 

      The home office has decided that it would be more economical NOT to issue money to everybody. Instead, they will provide leftover robot shipping boxes for their customers to live in. This will be more efficient. Please, all arguments must be submitted in writing. We appreciate your feedback, and a representative from our company will contact you shortly. Please have your ID and an extra pair of shoes ready when they arrive.  Do not attempt to escape. Resistance is futile.

Finis