This is a collection of short-attention span movie reviews. Rather than assign them a rating that you won't agree with, or spoil them by rehashing the plot, I simply let you know what ingredients went into their making, so you'll have an idea if they might appeal to your tastes. If I haven't watched it, you won't find it here.

KEY TO ARCANE SYMBOLS:


Title Links generally take you offsite to Wikipedia where you can learn more about the movie in-depth. Or it might take you somewhere else totally unexpected. Hyperlink jumps are unpredictable...

A large version of a symbol is used to represent content of the extra-large, tokyo-stomping variety (i.e. : a large monster icon means "Giant Monsters")






2001 - A Space Odyssey

Stanley Kubrick filmed this masterpiece of science fiction, with considerable technical direction from reknowned SF author, Arthur C. Clarke, who penned the novelof the same name concurrently with the production of the movie. The story itself is based on one of Clarke's earlier short stories, The Sentinel.

20 Million Miles to Earth

Harryhausen monster-on-the-loose flick with lots of stop-motion monster goodness.

20,000 Leagues Under The Sea (1954)

Jules Verne's classic novel comes to the screen.

7 Faces of Dr. Lao

The weirdest circus movie since Freaks.

The 7th Voyage of Sinbad

The first of the popular Sinbad series from special effects wizard Ray Harryhausen.

The Angry Red Planet

Weird interplanetary excursion complete with carniverous plants, space goo and the infamous bat-rat-spider creature.

Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman (1958)

The ex-wife from hell tries to squish her philandering husband.

Attack of the Crab Monsters

What would you do if you had radioactive talking crabs? Roger Corman made a movie about them, and you get to watch. It is important to note that this is not the only giant crab movie you can see. Other fascinating crustacean on the loose films include Queen Crab and Crabs!. But WAIT! There's MORE...

At The Earth's Core

You know the old saying: If you dig deep enough, you are almost certainly going to unearth telepathic flying reptiles. No, wait, that's not the saying.

Barbarella

Jane Fonda parades around psychedelic sets in skimpy spacewear.

The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms

More stop motion mayhem from Ray Harryhausen.

Beneath the Planet of the Apes

First sequel to Planet of the Apes, this one adds mind-reading mutants to the topsy-turvy world of Manhattan's talking monkeys.

The Black Scorpion

Big, black bug on the loose. Not to be confused with the short-lived 90's TV show, Black Scorpion, which is what happens when you try to remake the Batman TV series with more boobs and less money.

The Blob (1958)

Never poke a meteorite with a stick!

Brain From Planet Arous

Alien pervert possesses hapless scientist.

Bride of Frankenstein

Body by Frankenstein, hair by Dairy Queen.

Buck Rogers in the 25th Century (1979)

Pilot for the TV series that gained theatrical release. Buck pulls a Rip Van Winkle and wakes up to find that Spandex has conquered the Earth.

Cat-Women Of the Moon

Low-budget oinker shot in five days following the popular fifties sci-fi premise of male space explorers encountering an all-female society on another planet. Hope springs eternal.

A Clockwork Orange

Disturbing commentary on violence and behavioral conditioning. Based on the Anthony Burgess novel, and as surreal as only Kubrick can be.

Colossus - The Forbin Project

The world as it could be if Windows really worked...

Conquest of the Planet of the Apes

Subversive and violent chapter of the ape movies.

Conquest of Space

Visually interesting but dreadfully boring mission to Mars movie.

The Crawling Eye

This movie scares the crap out of little kids, but adults will laugh their heads off (which will also scare the kids).

Creature from the Black Lagoon

Impressive looking gill-man pursues the equally impressive looking Julie Adams in this classic beauty and the beast tale. Originally filmed in 3D.

The Creature Walks Among Us

The luckless gill-man gets an involuntary face lift.

Doctor Who - Daleks - Invasion Earth 2150 AD

Exterminate! Exterminate!

Dark Star

Painfully low-budget but witty film shot by John Carpenter and many other talented people years before anyone ever heard of them.

The Day the Earth Stood Still

Lecture from outer space.

The Day of the Triffids

Post-apocolyptic survivor's wish they'd sprung for the economy-sized bag of weed-b-gone. Based on the novel by John Wyndham, which ends very differently than the movie.

The Deadly Mantis

All the good giant bugs were taken.

Death Race 2000

Clever cult action film based on the short story, "The Racer", by Ib Melchior. It inspired the first video game yanked from store shelves for being too violent.

Destination Moon

Astronauts travel to the moon and encounter nothing at all.

Destroy All Monsters

All the Toho monsters in one big rubber-suited brawl.

Dr. Cyclops

Ironically, he has three more eyes than I expected.

Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

Like Fail-Safe, only funnier.

Dr. Who and The Daleks

Peter Cushing helms the Tardis in this big screen version of the popular TV show.

Earth Vs the Flying Saucers

Ray Harryhausen takes on Washington D.C.

Empire of the Ants

Nothing complicates a real estate deal like a bug problem.

Escape from the Planet of the Apes

70's culture makes monkeys look smart.

The Eye Creatures (remake of Invasion of the Saucer Men)

Somehow manages to be worse than the original.

Fahrenheit 451

Ray Bradbury's cautionary novel brought to the big screen.

Fail-safe (1964)

Tense tale of nuclear brinkmanship, based on the book by the same name. Remade as a TV movie in 2000.

Fantastic Planet

Freaky French animated flick.

Fantastic Voyage

Miniature scientists fight over who gets to scrape the cholesterol from Raquel Welch. Isacc Asimov penned a novel based on the screenplay, and wrote a sequel all his own some time later.

H.G. Wells' First Men in the Moon

Ray Harryhausen takes a few liberties with the H.G. Wells novel.

Flash Gordon (1980)

Campy, colorful space opera featuring a memorable soundtrack by Queen.

The Fly (1958)

Scientist learns the value of animal experimentation the hard way in this dark thriller based on the short story first published in Playboy magazine by George Langelaan.

Forbidden Planet

Shakespeare's Tempest...sort of. Starring Robby the Robot and the legs of Anne Francis. Props and costumes from this movie ended up reappearing in all sorts of low-budget sci-fi films for years.

Frankenstein

Hollywood's iconic version of Mary Shelley's classic tale.

Ghidorah: The Three-Headed Monster

Godzilla's mortal enemy gets his own starring role.

The Giant Claw

I could carve a scarier giant movie monster out of a potato.

Godzilla

First screen appearance of everybody's favorite house-stompin' giant green lizard. Only this time he's in black and white.

The Green Slime

The Green Slime are coming! All your base are belong to us!

I Married a Monster From Outer Space

I guess it really does happen...

In Like Flint

James Coburn as a James Bond wannabe

The Incredible Mr. Limpet

Don Knotts gets turned into a cartoon fish. No, really.

The Incredible Shrinking Man

Hapless hero learns that size isn't important...unless your cat is hungry.

Invaders from Mars

I've heard this is pretty good, but one look at the ping-pong ball eyes of the aliens and I lose all perspective. Proceed at your own risk...

Invasion of the Saucer Men

If you want to find every 50's vintage alien invasion cliche in one movie, this is it.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)

Paranoic film of alien invaders made during the height of the fifties' Red Scare.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)

It's the 1970's and everyone is paranoid again.

The Invisible Man (1933)

I don't know if I saw it or not. (I saw the 2020 remake, though, and you should, too.)

Island of the Lost Souls

The first film version of H.G. Wells' Island of Dr. Moreau.

It Came From Beneath the Sea

Ray Harryhausen wreaks more havoc on national landmarks.

It Came From Outer Space

Alien invader flick penned by Ray Bradbury.

It Conquered the World

Giant turnip invades the Earth, courtesy of Roger Corman. Try the MST3K version, if you can find it.

It! The Terror From Beyond Space

Before there was Alien, there was THIS thing.

Jason and the Argonauts

Harryhausen's famous flick with all those stop-motion sword-fighting skeletons.

Journey to Center of the Earth (1959)

Entertaining adventure yarn that suffers only slightly from a tendency of the cast to burst into song.

King Kong (1933)

The original and arguably still the best of the giant beauty and the beast tale.

King Kong (1976)

The 70's remake, which disappointed everybody by resorting to Rick Baker in a monkey suit and leaving out all the dinosaurs.

Kronos

It keeps going, and going, and going...

The Land That Time Forgot

German U-boat gets REALLY lost.

The Little Shop of Horrors (1960)

Jack Nicholson was stealing scenes long before anyone had ever heard of him.

Lost Horizon

Air travellers stumble upon the lost world of Shangri-La.

The Lost World (1925)

The grand daddy of dinosaur flicks.

The Man From Planet X

Atmospheric little low-budget flick which makes you think Michael Rennie got off light. (See the Day the Earth Stood Still)

Master of the World

Blablabla

Metropolis (1927)

Hugely visual and influential film from the silent era.

Mighty Joe Young (1949)

The other giant monkey movie.

The Mole People

Social injustice at the Earth's core.

The Monolith Monsters

Never leave your rock salt experiment unsupervised.

The Monster That Challenged the World

Sometimes the fish get the bait, sometime the bait gets you.

Mysterious Island (1961)

Harryhausen adventure yarn with giant creatures to spare. Loosely based on the Jules Verne novel.

One Million Years B.C.

Cavegirl Raquel Welch is menaced by Harryhausen's miniature dinosaurs.

Phantom Planet

Miniature alien civilization stakes out an asteroid of their own, but some astronauts find them, anyway. Cheesy but fun, you may enjoy the MST3K version better.

Planet of the Apes (1968)

What's scarier than Creationists? Talking Monkey Creationists!

Planet of the Vampires

Creepy and stylish Italian space flick.

Plan 9 from Outer Space

Ed Wood's hilariously bad classic.

Queen of Outer Space

If you want to learn just how far women's liberation has come, show this film to your wife.

The Reluctant Astronaut

Don Knotts in space. Nuff said.

Return Of The Fly

More adventures in teleportation. My personal favorite is the "handster".

Revenge of the Creature

It's difficult to find an aquarium the right size for gill-men.

Robinson Crusoe on Mars

Astronaut unlucky enough to be stranded on the only alien planet not inhabited by an entire civilization of lonely women.

Rocketship X-M

You'll enjoy this more if you get the MST3K version.

Robot Monster

One of the worst movies ever made.

Rodan

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's...another Japanese man in a rubber suit.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show

I just don't have the right icons for this review.

The She-Creature

To be reviewed...

Silent Running

Tear-jerking environmental film with impressive effects by Douglas Trumball.

Sleeper

Futurific comedy by Woody Allen

Starcrash

Caroline Munro saves the universe, but not this gut-bustingly bad movie.

Star Trek - The Motion Picture

So, which is bigger: V'Ger or the Death Star?

Star Wars (Episode IV - A New Hope)

This movie played at the cinema near my home for over a year. And I still watch it.

Tarantula

There isn't a can of Raid big enough.

Them!

One of the best of the big bug movies.

The Thing from Another World (1951)

Scary alien terrorizes Antarctic researchers.

Things to Come

Eye-popping effects for a vintage flick based on the book by H.G. Wells.

This Island Earth

Aliens outsource their R&D to Earth. Fodder for the MST3K Movie, but enjoyable even without the heckling of small robots.

Thunderbirds Are Go

Wooden puppets save the world. Based on the Gerry Anderson TV series.

THX 1138

Dystopian future where red Koolaid is forbidden.

The Time Machine (1960)

George Pal brings yet another H.G. wells Classic to the big screen. Hard sci-fi author Stephen Baxter wrote a mind-blowing sequel, The Time Ships.

The Valley of Gwangi

The only dinosaur western that I know of. Effects by Harryhausen.

Village of the Damned (1960)

A good argument against spanking your kids...

Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea

Filmed back when smoking on submarines wasn't such a big deal, and global warming was science fiction.

The War of the Worlds (1953)

George Pal's classic retelling of H.G. Well's famous story.

When Worlds Collide

Last one off the Earth turns out the lights...

Wizards

Demented animated fantasy romp by Ralph Bakshi.

You Only Live Twice

007 tries to figure out who keeps swiping all the spaceships.

Young Frankenstein

Mel Brooks' inspired satire of the 40's classic.


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